So, is menopause like a royal decree that says, “Your period shall henceforth cease!”? Because mine seems to be rebelling like a teenager refusing to clean their room. Skipped two months, then bam-surprise encore! Spotting here, Niagara Falls there, then nothing for weeks. Is this what we call “peri-Menopause: The Musical,” or am I just special? Does anyone actually go quietly into that hormone-free night, or is everyone else going through the world’s weirdest guessing game too? Bonus points for survival tips that don’t involve moving to a deserted island or buying stock in pantyliners.